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Why friendships get harder as we get older

Why friendships get harder as we get older

In this issue: how friendships change over time, why it shouldn't be easy if you want to grow to your potential, the circular thinking trap, and the danger of productive procrastination

PJ Milani
June 18, 2025

🤔 INTERESTING

Illustration by milaniCREATIVE.art showing two timelines labeled ‘Friendships as a Kid’ and ‘Friendships as an Adult.’ In childhood, milestones and friendships overlap closely on the same point. In adulthood, each friend’s milestones are spread across the timeline, symbolizing how growing older means navigating connection through different life stages.

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As kids, friendships were easy.
Same classes. Same recess. Same milestones.

As adults, friendships are complicated.
Because we’re all running different races at difference paces.

Getting married. Getting divorced.
Starting over. Settling down.
Having kids. Choosing not to.

I used to think growing apart meant growing away from each other.
Now I understand it just means growing in different directions.

At different speeds. Toward different things.

"I'm here" doesn't mean "I'm stuck"
"You're there" doesn't mean "You've left me"
It just means we're all finding our way.

But somehow...still sending memes at 2am like nothing's changed. 😄

This issue of Visual IDEAs is brought to you by:

Celebration graphic for “Thinking in Visual Metaphors” by PJ Milani—featured in The Maven 100 as a top course in design

To celebrate our 2nd year as a Top Course in Design on Maven, we’re offering $100 off for anyone who signs up for Cohort 12 this week (offer expires Sunday June 22nd)!

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📐 DESIGN

In this short clip below, I share why that frustrating "stuck" feeling might be a good thing.

Youtube thumbnail: Left: a hand drops a lightbulb into a person’s arms, labeled “What most people think teaching is.” Right: a hand lifts the person up toward their own lightbulb, labeled “What teaching actually is.”

🔮 ENCHANTING

Illustration by milaniCREATIVE.art showing three rowboats stuck in a circular pattern, each rower paddling in place. The caption reads “If nothing changes… nothing changes,” symbolizing how repeating the same actions leads to the same results, no matter how much effort is exerted.

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The thing about circles is...You don't always know you're in one.

You row hard, make waves.
Staying in motion, but repeating the same patterns.

Testing if you’re in a circle is simple:
When did you last feel uncomfortable?

Because comfort and growth rarely share the same boat.
Maybe today's the day to point somewhere new.

Even if you have to row alone for a bit.

🧠 ANALOGY

Illustration by milaniCREATIVE.art showing a person using an open book as a bridge to cross a canyon toward a diamond labeled as the goal. In the top panel, labeled “Preparation,” the person confidently walks across the book bridge. In the bottom panel, labeled “Procrastination,” the same book is now buried under an unstable tower of unread books, and the person stands stuck, overwhelmed. The image contrasts healthy preparation with avoidance disguised as endless learning.

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A good book is like a blueprint. But if all you do is collect blueprints, you're just rearranging furniture in a house you haven't built yet.

The thing is no one ever learned to ride a bike by reading a book.
You have to put your foot on the pedal and push forward.

Read the full post here.

🤓 WHAT I’M READING NOW

“Problems: Solutions, Visual Thinking for Graphic Communicators” by Richard Wilde

"Problems: Solutions: Visual Thinking for Graphic Communicators" by Richard Wilde is one of those hidden gems. It’s not easy to find these days (check the local library!) and the title isn’t very sexy, but this hands-on guide is a playground for your brain! I’d recommend it for anyone starting out in design or feeling stuck in a creative rut.

A grid titled “Unbalanced Teacher” by Carlos Nicholls, showing altered notebook pages representing various student labels like “Shy,” “Daydreamer,” “Frustrated,” and “Clown.” Each square features distorted lines that visually reflect the label’s emotional tone.

One of my favorite exercises using the constraint of a notebook page.

Four abstract notebook page artworks by students. Each piece creatively distorts traditional notebook page lines

There’s nothing that can push your creativity more than constraints.

What I love most is how Wilde pushes you to find your own unique style instead of just copying what everyone else is doing. He believes we're all naturally creative (yes, you too!), but sometimes school and life make us forget how to think outside the box. Through fun experiments and lots of "what if" questions, Wilde teaches how to see problems differently and come up with solutions that actually stand out.

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